Bullying Conversation Styles

The other day I was in a meeting where one manager belittled another manager (I'm a lowly engineer).

It made a lot of people uncomfortable, but no one said anything. The verbal abuser got away with it. I call him a verbal abuser because, from all outward appearances, he was not interested in communicating, or exchanging ideas and opinions. He was more interested in beating up on the other person via unfounded criticisms and lack of clear expectations, and exercising control.

It was an important lesson for me. Earlier in the day, I had a conversation with a high school teacher friend. She commented how distressing she finds it to read students Face Book pages calling each other 'bitch', or 'ho' - best friends, mind you. The thought being that good friends can get away with it becasue they each know the other doesn't mean it.

I don't care.

To call someone a bitch in writing is not cool. To ask someone, "Why are you being bitchy?" is not the same as, "Why are you being so grumpy?". It just isn't. "Bitchy" is an ugly word, a useful word. It has it's purpose. But it should not be used in reference to friends, lovers, or family.

Verbal bullying starts with our friends, under the guise of 'funny', or 'just kidding'. And it morphs into managers who talk to colleagues, and co-workers, in just the same way, or worse.

I am convinced that verbal bullies get worse with age.

The only way to preserve the peace with them, that I've found anyway, is to not engage them if at all possible.

Color me 'old fashioned'. I don't mind. I believe that peace can be maintained and encouraged by treating each other with respect. And that includes conversing with each other.